“We’re back again. Their future here is over,” said Commander Gordo.
The Monkoship crew saluted Gordo. They greeted him loudly.
“EeeeK, oh, oh oh. EeeeK, oh, oh oh. EeeeK, oh, oh oh.”
Gordo smiled. ‘It’s great to be back.’
The crew returned to their positions and awaited his orders.
Since the last Mono visit, Earth had been quiet in its solar expeditions. A solitary Pluto survey was the farthest that man had progressed.
Millions of photographs were transmitted back for examination, showing active development across the sphere and that life had been on the surface at one time.
Only when the dark side slides were seen did the alarm spread.
“What the fuck? Do you see that? Can’t believe it. Has someone put their snaps in here?” said Lee.
“Their straight from the download. What is it?” said Tyler.
“Well, if you join up the slides, there’s a message. In English. I’m gobsmacked,” said Lee.
“A message. What message?” said Tyler.
“It says DEMOLITION AREA MARKER and dobbed beside it is GORDO RULES OK,” said Lee. “What is this?”
Gordo steered the Monkoship back towards the Solar System. He had thought that the earthlings would continue to destroy themselves and declared the area for demolition. Detectors on Pluto had triggered him again for action.
This time the Monkoship passed Mars and the Moon to take position above Florida. The ship cruised into orbit and stopped.
“Lower the defence shield,” said Gordo.
Across the eastern states of the USA, watchers suddenly saw a ginormous banana shaped object above them.
“Another Disney stunt,” said NBC.
“Fruit seems to be the thing nowadays,” said CNN. “What happened to our home town drink?”
In the White House it was more serious.
“What the fuck?” said President Johnny Depp.
“NASA say they want to send a messenger,” said the NSA Chief. “Are you able to come to Kennedy for this?”
“Christ! I have only a year to go. I’ve solved Iran. Now I have to deal with a banana.”
“A very large banana,” said the NSA Chief.
“It’s in English, right?” said Depp.
“Yes sir,” said the NSA Chief.
“Amazing,” said Depp. “The next thing you’re going to tell me is that it’s with an eight foot monkey?”
Johnny Depp’s eye’s popped out as Gordo appeared before him. Gordo looked like a dressed up monkey and was eight foot tall.
“I expected you to beam down,” said Depp.
“I could have, but I am unsure of your structure differentiation. I’m not going to risk a reverse integration if I can help it,” said Gordo. “I come from Alpha Centauri, from the Mono people who felt for you in the past. We are here to help.”
“Help us do what?” said Depp.
“Get you out of here. Your Sun is failing and your people are so fixed ideologically that they will destroy themselves one way or another in a short time. Your descent on our Pluto marker triggered us to act.”
“Are you the Gordo who rules ok?” said Depp.
“Well I’m just a Commander, but the crews like me and do put occasional graffiti on my signs. It makes me smile,” said Gordo. However, the sign does mean that you are in a demolition area.
“The last time we were here you were getting to that point yourselves, but obviously you have a little more control now. Nevertheless, I’m going to lob a few mega nukes in here and sort it, before your Sun goes up. We have timed it for the 14 billion year anniversary.”
“Who is your leader?” said Depp.
“Ek Ek Ek is our main Mono,” said Gordo. “He feels for all Mono’s and even for Mankind, on the odd day. Ek Ek Ek is the oldest creature in our universe and wants us all to be together. He remembers seeding your people about two hundred thousand years ago and has been rather disappointed ever since. He is worried about you. We are here to transport you out over time, before you get too hot.”
“What do you need from us?” said the President.
“Patience. All your bananas and the whole of Florida. We also need Boeing, Lockheed Martin and Del Monte to construct the ships,” said Gordo. “We’ll take five thousand at a time. We’ve lots of space.”
“What do we do about the worlds terrorists?” said Depp.
“No worries. Anyone that wants to come has to convert to Monoism. No Muslims and no cult types will convert. Keeps the numbers down and removes the ignorant and arseholes. That’ll sort them out. The New Jerusalem is in Alpha Centauri, where Monoism means look after Ek Ek Ek and he will feel for you.”
“Feels fine to me. What next?” says Johnny Depp.
“My Mono engineers will meet with your people and get to work,” said Gordo. “We both go to see Ek Ek Ek.”
“By banana?” said Johnny Depp.
“Skype,” said Gordo.
“I know that this is a big thing for you,” said Ek Ek Ek. “I sensed your major path from emerging performer to pirate captain.”
“We are all pirates here,” said Johnny Depp. “I just go with the flow.”
“In Alpha it’s a major thing to move about. I leave it to my Commanders,” said Ek Ek Ek. Once we all got into telepathy it slowed us all down. We choose from the five billion channels and sink into it bigtime. I can multi-think up to one million feels in a sitting. But the advertisements, they drive me insane.
“We will start the people transfer in twenty years. As you have been here you are now immortal and can be their leader under me.”
“Cool,” said Johnny. “I think the thing to do is enjoy the ride while you’re on it.”
After two decades the prototype was ready. It left from Florida with Big Banana Mono Meals for all. MacDonald’s had taken the sponsorship to heart and the banana was the new bun.